Matt and I broke up.

As with my other break-ups, I’m not going into a long explanation as to why. I usually speak of my past relationship without names and in generalities. My life is open, but I choose to respect other people’s right to privacy.

However, I will say that as I’ve gotten older and as I’ve gotten to better know myself my ability to make things work when I don’t think they will has significantly diminished. You’re great, I’m great, we’re just not great together. We’re not bad…we’re not ‘unhappy’, but we’re not totally into it either. Well, at least I’m not. And I can’t force myself to be. It’s there or it’s not.

A certain relationship in my past put my “let’s make it work” limits to the test and in essence destroyed my patience for work in relationships. Read carefully - not compromise…work. I think many people confuse the two. Compromise: “I prefer green walls…You prefer red walls…but we both like blue, therefore blue walls it is!” Work: “I want no kids…You want 10 kids…let’s argue about it for 3 hours or avoid the whole topic until it blows up into a screaming match and we resent each other for life. Yay!”

Sometimes it’s not about work. Sometimes it’s about feelings you can’t explain or aren’t mature enough in life to know what they mean. Sometimes your mind and your heart say, “everything is workable,” while your whole body screams, “NO!” I’m not one of those people who can ignore the buzzing “NO” for long periods of time without going stir crazy.

It is always harder when nothing is “wrong” - when there are good times, no harsh words, and no hard feelings. But not being “wrong” doesn’t make it “right”. I have gone through my fair share of relationships to understand this.

Do I hurt? Yes. But I’ll be ok. We both will. And if we can be friends - good friends - we’ll both be stronger because of what we’ve had.