Dear Sir,

I am writing you this letter in response to your interest in a relationship with me. It serves as a means to express a few things that are important for you to know about me that would otherwise take multiple and possibly drawn out conversations that no human being should be subjected to. And, as you know, I’m a direct person and would much rather put it all on the table now, discuss and figure out if things are clear and make sense, and then move on.

First and foremost, I am happy to say that after over 6 months of being single I am ready to be in a relationship again. I don’t feel the need to be in one, but I know I can be in one without the bitter residue of a recent breakup lingering over my head.

I feel this puts me in a great position. It gives me the time to do something I’m not good at - put things in perspective. See if I really like you. See if you really like me. It allows us to do a trial run without any firm commitment and gives us the chance to end things amicably if they don’t seem like they are going anywhere or if they don’t seem to be going in a good direction.

If things do go in a good direction, we’ll have some work to do. I don’t know you well enough yet to know how you react to things, how you process things, but I do know myself in that way.

On the surface, I’m a pretty easy going, simple person. I don’t want for more than I necessarily need - most of the time - and I am very open with my thoughts, my dreams, and my life. If you want to know something, I will pretty much tell you everything. Below the surface, once we get beyond the friend stage, things will get a little more complicated. I’m human after all and far from perfect.

Trust will be the core of our relationship, and it will build over time. Until I feel the trust with you that I feel with my family and my best friends, I won’t be fully comfortable with you. I may be jealous. I may be inconsistent. I may be a walking contradiction. It’s my self-defense mechanism that prevents me from getting too close to you too soon and preventing me from getting hurt. After all, my biggest fear in any relationship is finally giving in and trusting someone implicitly only to wake up one day and realize I have been lied to for an unknown length of time. As Karen said to her husband in the movie Love Actually once she realized her husband bought a necklace for another woman, “you’ve also made a fool out of me, and you’ve made the life I lead foolish too.” I don’t want to feel like that. If this is something you think may possibly happen, let me know now. It will save us a lot of time and energy.

So how do you help me build trust with you? Don’t hide things - explain things. I know you’re going to get calls and emails and texts from old flames, guys you gave your number to, and others who want you for themselves. You’re a catch - otherwise I wouldn’t be with you. Just don’t hide things like that from me. You may think it prevents me from getting upset, but it actually makes me question your intentions. Do you enjoy them and want them to continue? Do you respond to them? Are you not serious about our relationship and holding on to alternatives? Let me know - bring me into your world. Show me I have nothing to worry about - that your past is truly your past and not our present. When you get a text message, don’t shield your phone. When you get an email, don’t close the window. I won’t be looking over your shoulder, checking your email, or snooping in your stuff. I’m talking about things that happen in my presence. I will trust you so much more if you are straightforward and honest and give me no reasons to doubt you. If you think this is invasive or just strange, that’s your opinion and I respect it. Life is about choices, after all. You can choose to not want to share and be open - I can choose not to continue our relationship.

Trust will also impact other areas of our relationship. For instance with flirting. I, by nature, am a flirt. I sense you are too. Because of the perspective problem I mentioned earlier sometimes I don’t see my flirting the way you might. I will have no other intentions than to have fun and I know where to draw the line. I won’t cross it. At the same time I won’t see your flirting the same way. I know, it’s contradictory, and yes, a perspective problem. But it will also change as my trust for you grows. I’m not stupid — I know flirting and finding other people attractive is human nature. I don’t want us to be one of those couples that goes out and are boring, always fighting, or just don’t go out at all. I want us to be free to live our lives and have fun, but I need to have enough trust in you to know, at the end of the day, I have nothing to worry about.

Beyond these things, I also need you to promise you’ll never take me for granted. You need to know now, I won’t stay around long if I feel you do. I’m a strong person with a solid understanding that ending a relationship is hard, but the wounds heal. I’d much rather end a relationship with someone who has gotten so comfortable they see me more as a roommate or a friend than a boyfriend than stay in the relationship and bury my soul. I’ve done that already — never again. I need you to always want to kiss me before you leave the house. I need you to see me and get turned on. I need you to surprise me once in a while. I need you to make me smile and laugh. I need you to do something once in a while that makes me cry, in the good way. I need you to think about me independently, without me being clear and present, and let me know some how — and I don’t need a gift, a 2 second call will do.

What would the payoff for all this be? The best relationship you’ll ever have. Seriously. When I give my love, I give it all. I don’t have a way to give a little or a lot. It is truly all or nothing. It’s a switch — and when I turn it on, you’ll know and feel my love. It comes out in my smile when I see you after a long day of work. It’s in my voice when I talk to you for the first time on any given day. You’ll see it in every step of the trip I plan for your birthday and in my eyes when I meet you parents for the first time. You will be able to tell, dear sir, the moment our having sex becomes making love. To me, they are two very different things and the chasm of difference between them will be something you will only be able to comprehend when it happens. And no, I’m not exaggerating.

This is the tip of the iceberg. The question is whether or not we are both ready and willing to dive below sea level.