Wow - it’s been a month and a day since I’ve updated my blog. That’s the longest I have ever gone without an update since I started blogging.

This past month and a day have been a complete roller coaster ride, and not the good kind that gives you a thrill for about a minute or two and then lets you get off. No, this is more of the O-M-G I think this “Superman Tower of Power” just sliced off my foot kinda ride. Except it wasn’t my foot - more on that later…

I have an admission to make. I have what I like to call the “Kick-Start Flaw” (KSF). It’s the #1 killer of achieving personal goals. Well, if not the slayer it’s the #1 DELAYER of achieving personal goals. The KSF works just like a stripped screw, a motor that gr-gr-gr-grs but won’t turn, or an album you download from iTunes and try to play on someone else’s computer. The kinetic energy to start is there, there, there, and gone without getting that mythical ball rolling. Once I start I know I will be back on my game, but somehow the kick-start goes missing. It’s a flaw - and I own it.

I believe this started in grade school. I was out sick a lot when I was little because of asthma, back problems…the works. When I would be out for a week and all my homework was sent…well…home…I would finish it up within two days. I would read and write and loved the thought of learning on my own and knowing I could “get it” all by myself. However, the thought of going back to school that next Monday terrified me. For me, it was simply the fact I had been away from my classes, my friends, my teachers, and the joint experiences they all had and built on together that would make me feel like I was an outsider who needed to work my way back in.

And I hated feeling like I needed to work my way back in. The funny part was I knew deep down it was no big deal. All would be forgotten in two days. Life would go on and everyone would distantly remember that week I wasn’t here - and I would distantly remember how I missed out on Mr. Wiggles getting out of his cage, Mrs. Costa throwing a pencil at someone, and Kelly peeing her pants and running out of class. But somehow, thinking about facing it all on that first day was almost torture.

Fast forward to today and I can see how it has residually affected my life. Now I HATE taking sick days. HATE. I had strep throat a few weeks ago and was out HALF a day - only enough time to go to the emergency room for like 8 hours…and that was AFTER working 5 hours and almost passing out. I also hate taking long vacations. Too much happens while I’m gone and I know that the longer I’m gone, the more will happen and the harder it will be to catch up and jump back into things. After all, I don’t want to miss that one happy hour where that one coworker who never goes out does and bonds with everyone but the people who aren’t present - i.e. me!

This childhood trauma has also made it so that I sometimes react poorly when I am asked to do or choose to do something for the first time. Or something I haven’t done in a long time. For instance, going to Virginia on the Metro this past weekend. I’ve been there before - but not in a long time. No biggie. I was all for it in theory until it came time to actually go. My brain subconsciously said no. No. No. No. I wasn’t thinking it, but I was feeling it. And I wanted to say it.

But I didn’t.

Why? Well, because I just went. That’s the thing about the KSF - once that screw threads, that engine finally turns, or you authorize your friend’s computer to play your iTunes - everything flows as it is supposed to. Once I stopped thinking about going to VA, and just started walking towards the Metro, it all fell into place.

The reason I haven’t been to the gym in about a month, haven’t eaten right in a month, and haven’t kept up on email or blogged in a month has a lot to do with the roller-coaster events of the past 30+ days, yes, but also because once I fall of the horse and the KSF takes hold it takes some serious discipline, a bit of courage, and a lot less thinking to get back on.

I am not a perfect person. I’ll always be a work in progress. OK, sometimes a work in regress - but mostly progress Hey, I’m trying.

My next post will have more tangible updates.

Oh and Drew…note that I’m 27 now. Happy?